The fact that this essay is four days late or three days early depending on your point of view and that I've started it no less than four times shows at least to me what kind of state my brain is in these days. I'm doing my best to not make this a bitch session so I'll make the bitching short and sweet: work has been difficult, as in not particularly profitable, I continue to fuck up my schedule more than is acceptable and I'm in a bit depressive state at the moment.
I've been here a million times before. I know that I can't isolate myself so I'll be going for a power walk in a few minutes to get those endorphins flowing and also I'll honor the commitment I made to see my niece's school musical, "Annie."
It's been a very hard month. The steady and occasionally overhwelming work of the music festival has been very good for me. It's provided thoughts outside of myself that I've greatly needed when it would have been much easier to lay in bed with the shades drawn.
I still isolate too much, don't ask for help often enough and still far too often lose my sense of self to a global sense of shame. This blog, though, keeps me on track to some unstated goal that is outside of myself, which is very much where I need to be when feeling so down.
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