Depth of Focus

I am lost.  Not in a self-loathing, depressed, I'll-never-get-anything-right kind of way but more in a I'm-lost-in-a-city-without-much-money-but-I'll-look-around-and-see-where-this-has brought-me kind of way.  The second iteration of The Takoma Porch Music Festival has come and gone.  It went really well and now I look more broadly to the future.

Christopher Hitchens, a favorite writer and public intellectual of mine who died in 2011 wrote in his book, Letters to a Young Contrarian, "what really matters about any individual is not what he thinks but how he thinks." (pg. 63).  

Boy isn't that the (*&^%$^% truth.  

There are just so many distractions in this world - out there and on my computer.  How do I put controls on my tenuous focus that don't feel like deprivation?  It's not just the stupid celebrity news and cat videos that distract me but genuinely fascinating articles related to science, math, astronomy, music, or any of the thousands of fascinating websites out there with ever more information. So many of them offer access to Things. Worth. Knowing.  I have almost no method to filter or rules to guide me in this.  And even if I do find rules I'll need to follow them in the way that works best for me and my more than unruly brain.  

I have watched friends and acquaintances move so far past me in their lives in Getting. Things. Done.  The pain of this is most acute when I see fellow musicians grow deeply in their music skills AND in their ability to create shows or music acts and earn money at it.  So. Much. Organization. and Stick-to-it-tiveness.  It's the latter that continues on as a struggle for me, a mostly unproductive and energy wasting struggle. 

What does a totally reasonable expectation of doggedness in the face of all that distracts me mean?

What do I do when all passions and the tasks related to them too often feel equal and unending?  

This is my current dilemma.

Hello Again - Fake Grad. School - Year II

I need this blog again.  I want this blog again.  Those who read it over the past two years may recall that I used it to manage the thoughts and feelings I felt while creating and producing a music festival, something I had had no experience doing before.  

The Takoma Porch Music Festival happened for a second time this past May 17th and it went crazy well; I was even nominated for a local award!  The weather was perfect and any glitches were so minor that they're barely worth noting.  While the daily work of organizing it was not particularly easy, I didn't feel the need to blog about it.  My strongest emotion this time around wasn't the terror of creating something that required my believing in my strengths in spite of my weaknesses but rather enduring the frustration of not enough time, money nor energy to create and publicize the kind of music festival I know Takoma Porch can be.  So huzzah! to progress of sorts.


Now that that huge project is currently off my table, I've been thinking about how to approach the next year of my life.  That alone is a new concept for me.  Meds, therapy and creating the festival have helped me to conceptualize time somewhat better than before.,...well, ever.  

This time around I've laid out books to read, web sites to guide me and two second year projects.  The time frame is June 2014 - June 2015.  Here is my syllabus:

Texts: 

• ADD and Your Money: A Guide to Personal Finance for Adults with Attention-Deficit Disorder by Stephanie Moulton Sarkis and Karl Klein

  

• Making Money in Your PJs - Freelancing for voice-over and other solopreneurs by Paul Strikwerda

•  The Complete Idiots GD to Music Composition by Michael Miller

ADHD website I've found most helpful:

• Working with ADHD

Second Year Projects:

• Create a full functioning live show with paid performers with funding from a crowd-sourcing site.  

•  Create and make public my own website.