One of the struggles of the ADHD mind, or rather my ADHD mind, is that with so many failed projects in life's rear view mirror, projects in the present take on a feeling of unreality. The brain and wounded heart thinks, "naaah, that's not really going to happen. You've never managed to get it together before. Why would you now?"
The idea for a music festival hit my brain last May. Months passed and that sense of unreality set in. In that time though I did mention it to some key people who then expressed great interest in the project, people who had the social and business power to help me get this thing going.
However, as anyone with ADHD knows, it's when you're by yourself, sitting at you computer trying to organize yourself that things fall apart (to steal another title). Sleepiness, boredom and anti-inspiration settle in.
I can honestly say that this time around slowly but surely things are different.
Why? For one thing, I understand better what I need and what I need is people around me guiding me towards my goal. Two, the truth is I feel braver. I am more comfortable with the unfamiliar choas the swirls around the planning of this festival yet I feel the emotional and social confidence to find the right people to guide me.
Lastly, maybe it was sort of a rock bottom moment, but I knew that I had to make this festival happen for my own sense of confidence, period. It was that simple. I want to work in music but don't want to go back to school and get into debt to do that. If I want to work in this musical world that I love then I just have to make it happen around me and let the chips fall where they may.
This week has been wonderfully productive in moving the festival forward. I've:
- written a press release (with guidance from a press experienced friend) and sent it out.
- created a grid that lays out the basic organization for the day's events. Did that myself! Not easy.
- communicated with two local government officials to solicit their guidance and support.
- contacted a local web design company for a quote and
- scheduled a day for creating a fundraising video.
Wow - that's a great week - congrats!
ReplyDeleteThanks!!! It's feels like a bit like scrambling in the dark with my trusty flashlight.
ReplyDeleteThat's great and you're approaching it in a way that really sets you up for success - you've got people around you with experience and interest in your project and you're bringing yourself to a project that you want to push yourself to see succeed. Remember that you are succeeding already for you have pushed yourself in new ways (press releases, contacting local government for an event you're planning, etc.)! Definitely keep us informed as you go thru the process. Just think,afterwards you'll have a document to show how far you came!
ReplyDeleteThanks! It's very much a one-day-at-a-time approach and talking myself through the discomfort of knowing that many things are going on at once. Yet also remembering that not everything has to be done NOW, NOW, yet, RIGHT NOW. Where I struggle and is not having an intuitive sense of what needs to happen when. I'm getting better (or rather I'm getting better at asking the right questions).
ReplyDeleteHey Mary Ann. I'm sorry I'm not so active here, as while I've read everything and have been able to seriously identify with many of the posts/comments; I don't have the lifetime to comment the millions and millions of words that I could. While thinking it down to manageable, some distraction (like big financial problems, or Christmas Depressing thoughts) pulls me away till the next post. Yeah, even after 19 years clean from addiction, I'm a mess...
ReplyDeleteIt looks like you had a very productive week there. Congratz! And it's great seeing more from others that have these experiences. I so wish there was more of that online. And those that wouldn't understand have so little input and much misinformation too.
My own experiences (and Obsessive years in life), have really made me highly informed on just about everything that flows the internet. However there is no humanly possible way to make it all come together alone, which sadly is my nature... Today I'm a computer/web programmer that can pretty much look over any site and build a good profile of exactly how they do it. Though go homeless while focusing like that even.
Seeing your post hinted (not alone). It also showed action on a big picture.. Priceless.
If you still haven't jumped on the web quote/local, Please feel free to send me details of what you're looking for too. I'd be glad to have a look, and might be able to help quite affordably/reasonably.
Thanks again for everything. I'm not sure what got me focused enough today to put this much together, though there it is :)
Thank you for your candid comments Eric. I really appreciate your sharing your experience. The disorganized mind can be almost physically painful. I often use the metaphor of the ever changing radio as a pretty accurate description of how my mind operates. That's what my mind feels like when I attempt to focus. It's always been that way so it's amazing that I managed to finish college. That quiet focused flow that I (we) have so often seen in others eludes me most of the time. I have gotten better though at creating the external structure to allow that to happen a bit, like playing quiet non-melodic percussive music when I am doing paperwork. It's almost like the sound ciphons off the extra energy in my brain allowing me to focus.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, thank you for you offer of web help. I may send a few questions your way. Since my music festival is community focused I am going to do my best to hire a local web designer. Please keep commenting. I really appreciate the sharing and feedback.