The Dreaded Employment Search also known as, "I just wanna be me!!!"

I mentioned in my first posting that I've been fired from some jobs. The following job wasn't one of those but came pretty close.  I quit before that happened.  Years ago I worked at an arts organization where I was in charge of a huge database of arts and music presenters that had to be organized in Excel, at least I think it was Excel... it was something with boxes and grids that represented time and space.   I'll leave the description to that.

This was the job, in Spring of 2000, where I said to my therapist, to paraphrase, "my depression is well taken care of but there is something else going on."  I COULD NOT get myself to make heads or tales of that database, nor could I stay awake to get close focusing on the task.  It was excruciating.   Not only could I not get my brain to organize to do the required work, I didn't really want to.  I found sitting at that desk intensely...actively... boring. Even with that said, I've too often felt the compulsion to GET BETTER AT THINGS I SUCK AT!!

Every day I see people who kinda, sorta hate their jobs but manage to do ok or even well at them.  They earn money this way, they vacation, they go out to restaurants where they bitch about their jobs.  THEY HAVE MONEY.  Thus my dilemma. They may hate their jobs but they can pay at least some of their bills and enjoy of modicum of respect in society.  I wish I could fake better than I do.  I really, really do.  Rant done.

Now I want to focus on the positive:  Here are some of my strengths:

1. Fantastic public speaker
2. Natural teacher
3. Engaging performer
4. Good writer
5. Work as a team member
6. Strong voice with great variety
7. Outspoken when necessary 

In looking to the future and trying-oh-so-hard to not be burdened by the past I focus on what I do well, which is what the above list is about.  The more natural fit for me is a performer-teacher- nurturer- speaker and-collaborator.  NOT a desk jockey.