I am a 41 year old single woman who was diagnosed as ADHD in my early thirties. That and depression have been the primary struggles in my life and I am tired of it.
Thus this blog.
I’ve held tons of jobs since college: counselor to the
developmentally disabled, waitress, bartender, B&B receptionist,
music school receptionist and briefly, psychiatric counselor. Been
fired from some jobs, got bored of others. I graduated from college with degrees in English and French. Hell, I even lived in France for my
junior year of college but career success has eluded me. I get
overwhelmed by paperwork, suffer anxiety, boredom and/or sleepiness when
I attempt to focus.
This struggle has gone on my entire life. It’s brutal on my self esteem and my hopes for the future. Setting long terms goals feels like an impossibility. For example…
I worked with an extraordinary voice coach/accompanist for four years in the hopes of recording an album together and it came to nothing. Outside of becoming an infinitely better singer, the project faded away.
Next I worked in fits and starts to create my own voice over business, but this went nowhere too. This one hurts more as my parents generously helped fund this dream. I felt total and complete overwhelm. I could not get myself to sit at my computer to work on it. My will and my brain could not get in sync.
So this is where I am.
I am very nervous putting my struggles out there but I feel compelled to do so to get them out of my head and onto paper, so to speak. My other motivation is this: I am perpetually inspired by people who put their vulnerability on the table. They face their fears and see what lies past them. I want to be one of those people.
This struggle has gone on my entire life. It’s brutal on my self esteem and my hopes for the future. Setting long terms goals feels like an impossibility. For example…
I worked with an extraordinary voice coach/accompanist for four years in the hopes of recording an album together and it came to nothing. Outside of becoming an infinitely better singer, the project faded away.
Next I worked in fits and starts to create my own voice over business, but this went nowhere too. This one hurts more as my parents generously helped fund this dream. I felt total and complete overwhelm. I could not get myself to sit at my computer to work on it. My will and my brain could not get in sync.
So this is where I am.
I am very nervous putting my struggles out there but I feel compelled to do so to get them out of my head and onto paper, so to speak. My other motivation is this: I am perpetually inspired by people who put their vulnerability on the table. They face their fears and see what lies past them. I want to be one of those people.
Excited to read your blog. I actually started one for the same reason. It is on Facebook cause I've found that anything outside of Facebook, I'd forget. I have actually found a way to use Facebook to my ADD advantage and I blog about it as well. I actually have two blogs on there, one is a private group where I am much more vulnerable and honest, another public page that just has discoveries that have helped me with my ADHD. Thanks for sharing your experience.
ReplyDeleteThanks. I've avoided doing anything on FB because it's so public and I don't have the energy to figure out the FB settings. For now, blogger.com seems to offer the relative simplicity and privacy I want with my blog. Feel free to send me info about your blog if you so choose. Thanks for writing here!
ReplyDeleteI can understand being nervous about struggles and making them public. Personally, I've just gotten vocal on my struggles within reason, and letting the cards fall where they do. Though I wouldn't suggest that to everyone else.
ReplyDeleteMy story began in '68 at birth. I was diagnosed ADHD around 6-8, and was then put on ever increasing doses (mostly Ritalin) and various "no artificial diets". It did little to help and at 12 when they prety much changed everything, it was like starting to learn all over again. The ADHD is part of me, and I don't feel drugging me into something different than what I am, will do any good.
I'd say I was also born an addict. I was into booze at family reunions and summer camping (when me and my cousins could sneak them) as early as at 4, and always was looking for whatever I could find, and use to not feel what I was. Coma, the goal. Gasoline, household chemicals, and later safer illegal drugs. I didn't get clean until I was 26, and celebrated 18 years clean February 20th. I am active today in service within my NA Homegroup as well as our Narcotics Anonymous Area, with occasional service at the Regional level as well.
And it's still a struggle.. Much of my life has been a few days ahead of homeless. Though I do survive. I wish there was a fellowship that worked more on the traditions of the Anonymous es... I'm not really sure how well the 12 steps could work though there are definite clues there as well. Just that I don't want to recover from my ADD, rather live to the highest level of the advantages it brings; pass on experiences, strengths and hopes to others...
Sorry if that's TMI, just thought I'd just open up for a minute. I'm a struggling IT consultant. Thanks for creating this Blog Mary Ann.
Thanks for sharing Eric. It isn't easy, that's for sure. I feel in a place to plan for the future but my ability to believe I'm capable of doing that is pretty low. My hopes for this blog are to capture and organize some of the free flowing anxieties, thoughts and hopes that occur to me in the hopes of giving some meaning to my experiences.
ReplyDelete