Please forgive me my absences. The moderate discipline I managed to forge over the past few years in writing this blog has eluded me recently. I think partly because many things have felt too personal and unfiltered to share. In other words, who wants to read a boring old journal? Not you I imagine. Nor do I want to share one.
I have two updates for you. If you've read this blog from the beginning, you'll know that I started it when I wanted to create music festival in 2013 but was overwhelmed at the idea. Writing about those challenges (and joys) here was invaluable. The blog and the music festival were symbiotic. Well, my music fest happened for a third year last month and I'm proud to say that it was the most successful iteration yet. In short I think with time and money (of course) many aspects of it could be better, but I truly feel that the festival is the definition of, "good enough." People came out, music was played and people had a really enjoyable time, including me.
The second piece of news is that I started taking piano lessons again, something I haven't done in at least six years. Music has ever and always been something in which I have had profound struggles even though I have no doubt that I am fundamentally a musician. I have certainly grown in my singing over the years but even learning songs has proven extremely difficult most of the time. If you'd like a short succinct description of the ADHD brain that may give you insight into why I (and many others) have challenges with the many aspects of learning, and for me the means challenges with practicing and recalling what I've studied, click here for an enlightening graphic.
I have had two meetings with this piano teacher, Ms. G: one to meet and the second for the first lesson. I've explained to her some of my challenges as they arise: : that I can get deeply sleepy when practicing music (and so many other tasks), that physiologically it's difficult for me to slow down to perform, amongst other cognitive struggles. A very cool and promising thing happened in this lesson, I was much more cognizant of my performance anxiety and was able to talk my way through. Ms. G is very patient and it's my responsibility to trust that patience. Two days ago, I practiced for 10 minutes, got sleepy and promptly fell into a deep sleep for almost three hours. I no longer hate myself when this happens. It's just another thing with which I must contend. Adderal helps sometimes and practicing at night is often productive for me. I continue to search for the external circumstances, which will allow my fragile focus to flourish.
I move forward in music with hesitant hope that I will indeed progress and if I should gain a certain level of comfort in the pieces I learn, I will record and post them for your enjoyment.
Later gators.
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