In Between the Macro and the Micro

Change is THE WORST.  And yet and yet....

I desire change.  I'm mentally ready for change but how to earn a half way decent living doing at least some of the things I do really well is still a mystery for me.  

I've been doing my best to objectively ask myself, "why do I dread change?"  

Here are some answers that I came up with in no particular order.

• Change for me usually equals earning even less money than I make now.
• At least for the last few years, learning restaurant knowledge for a job that, in truth, I don't ever really want. 
• The way I've made changes for most of my life tends to not be done is small, healthy doses but in large terrifying not well done leaps.

I've found these ADHD rules-to-live-by quite clarifying.  The ideas contained it get me closer to what I'm looking for.  To paraphrase, in case reading it is not in the cards for you today:

• Get a better grip on impulse control, whether it be around food, online distractions, or anything that catches my attention.

• Work to have a deeper understanding on how I attempt to solve problems and where my weaknesses trip me up.

• Learn how to delay gratification.

• And lastly and the one that resonates most with me: Learn how to have a better intuitive sense of the future.  

People with ADHD tend to be, "time blind."  To quote the article cited above, "ADHD makes the future seem far away. A goal that requires a significant investment of time, incorporates waiting periods, or has to be done in a sequence of steps, can prove so elusive that you feel overwhelmed. When that happens, many people with ADHD look for an escape route."

Unfortunately if you're not diagnosed for years, one spends his or her life feeling overwhelmed and looking for an escape route, consciously or unconsciously.   I was around 29 when I was diagnosed, well after the school years when I have to imagine it would have been helpful to understand how my brain worked. 

But the past is the past and I am looking to the future as best as I can.