I am lost. Not in a self-loathing, depressed, I'll-never-get-anything-right kind of way but more in a I'm-lost-in-a-city-without-much-money-but-I'll-look-around-and-see-where-this-has brought-me kind of way. The second iteration of The Takoma Porch Music Festival has come and gone. It went really well and now I look more broadly to the future.
Christopher Hitchens, a favorite writer and public intellectual of mine who died in 2011 wrote in his book, Letters to a Young Contrarian, "what really matters about any individual is not what he thinks but how he thinks." (pg. 63).
Boy isn't that the (*&^%$^% truth.
There are just so many distractions in this world - out there and on my computer. How do I put controls on my tenuous focus that don't feel like deprivation? It's not just the stupid celebrity news and cat videos that distract me but genuinely fascinating articles related to science, math, astronomy, music, or any of the thousands of fascinating websites out there with ever more information. So many of them offer access to Things. Worth. Knowing. I have almost no method to filter or rules to guide me in this. And even if I do find rules I'll need to follow them in the way that works best for me and my more than unruly brain.
I have watched friends and acquaintances move so far past me in their lives in Getting. Things. Done. The pain of this is most acute when I see fellow musicians grow deeply in their music skills AND in their ability to create shows or music acts and earn money at it. So. Much. Organization. and Stick-to-it-tiveness. It's the latter that continues on as a struggle for me, a mostly unproductive and energy wasting struggle.
What does a totally reasonable expectation of doggedness in the face of all that distracts me mean?
What do I do when all passions and the tasks related to them too often feel equal and unending?
This is my current dilemma.
I really hear what you are saying Mary Ann. I have noticed that when I am passionate about something I find I can stick to it like anything. In fact that passion gives me a level of focus unlike anyone I have ever come across. The trick is, it's not necessarily something that is going to make money or result in something that will lead to taking care of the practicalities of life. I am 46 now and only recently I diagnosed in the last 2 years. I do feel that finally after lots of struggle , I have found a balance of processes that work for me.
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2) I now embrace the gift of hyper- focus that allows me to pursue those topics that I am passionate about - simply because I am a creative thinker (I use my ability to connect the dots between all the things that my wondering brain sees connections between). This is my strength. There has never been a plan or job associated with my ad hoc research. Rather, I have discovered that if I pursue my passion through research on line, discussions with other knowledgable people in the field, lots and lots of reading, and volunteering on boards and organizations in order to get even more focused and to test out my thinking - the opportunities have come. Often I find myself in the position of helping to paradigm shift into the emergent future. I have been like this since I can first remember, only I never embraced it as my gift. As I become more comfortable doing so, I seem to attract more amazing opportunities to pursue my passions. One thing I do though is to have a confidential discussion with a colleague I can trust, but who is also a key player, to let them know my ADD tendencies so that they are aware of what I am struggling against.
I am not saying that this path is easy - often it is very lonely and there are many who become openly hostile to my perspectives, but when something resonates as true, that is what makes me stay focused. Besides, real, paradigm shifting change usually comes with lots of opposition!!
C, you and I sound like we have very similar tendencies, though hyper-focus has never been a talent of mine. My talent/skill/gift is I can go into any room in the world and talk with people (and listen I might add). When I watch well known people like say, Conan O'Brian or Freddie Mercury (whose bio I am currently reading), I think, "Yep, I have that same level of extroversion, fast tongue and social confidence." I didn't appreciate this for years but it's been wonderful to finally value it as a skill. I may still not be able to do my finances particularly well, but knowing I can interact with the world in this highly social and connective way is very powerful for me. How to monetize this is a path I am still very much walking.
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