Since the completion of the music festival I've felt a mixture of relief, sadness and yes, pride. Relief that this big venture had been successfully completed, sadness that I was back to facing the challenge of moving on from my current job as a waitress (which I never lost sight of, believe me) and pride that I'd finally imagined, planned, worked through and completed a difficult project in which I believed.
What is my next project? There are a few I'm thinking about but in the immediate future it's about finding an ADHD medication that (I hope) helps to relieve the sleepiness that overcomes me when I sit quietly to work, practice music or attempt any kind of long term focusing.
I recently came across a very well paying job that has opened up. It's a job I would never have imagined myself doing before I did the music festival but now at look at it and think, "Possible...very, very possible." That said, without the aid of medication, I'm not sure I can do it.
I've been reading recently about ways to get ADHD meds at a price I can afford. It seems that many corporations actually DO offer some of their meds at a very low cost with the right coupons, it just takes some stick-to-ative-ness in working through the paperwork. it won't be easy but I am determined to try different medications.
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Sunday, June 9, 2013
Chapter II - The ADHD Brain and Dealing with Finances
This past week I met with a counselor, J, from Money Management International. It could hardly have gone better. I went in with an optimistic though clear eyed attitude and J possessed a perfect mixture of financial savvy, work experience and empathy that I desire. She advised me on what issues to care of first and what can wait a little longer. She said that I was taking care of my finances much better than I thought I was. "You're too hard on yourself! she intoned. "You sound like my therapist," I responded. In spite of that last sentiment, I think in her line of work I was a breath of optimistic air.
Now that I am sitting at home with my list of things to do over the next few days, weeks and months, that familiar malaise, distractability and hardest of all to combat, sleepiness has come over me.
Creating a healthy financial life unfortunately combines so many elements that ADHD minds rebel against:
For me, it's the sleepiness that is the most difficult to combat. I don't have health insurance but J gave me some websites that may be able to help me allay the costs of medications. I want to try some ADHD meds as I just want to be able to sit still for a few hours and work and not have my mind slowly but surely shut off.
In the words of Jon Lovitz as Harvey Feirstein, "Is that so WRONG?!"
Now that I am sitting at home with my list of things to do over the next few days, weeks and months, that familiar malaise, distractability and hardest of all to combat, sleepiness has come over me.
Creating a healthy financial life unfortunately combines so many elements that ADHD minds rebel against:
- Linear thinking
- Quiet, focused work
- The perpetual life long nature of finances.
- Details, details, details
- May require educating oneself on this or that financial issue before even beginning a task, which may require research, which may then cause boredom, overwhelm and paralysis. Gee, what's on Hulu...
For me, it's the sleepiness that is the most difficult to combat. I don't have health insurance but J gave me some websites that may be able to help me allay the costs of medications. I want to try some ADHD meds as I just want to be able to sit still for a few hours and work and not have my mind slowly but surely shut off.
In the words of Jon Lovitz as Harvey Feirstein, "Is that so WRONG?!"
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Taking a Break
Hey Readers, I am taking a little break from my blog while I figure out what my next project is.
I shall return...
I shall return...
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
The Results Are In...
I won't keep people in suspense any longer (I like to imagine that my music festival is all anyone thought about this weekend), the festival was a resounding success!! I was A-MAZED at how many people came out for a festival that had very little money to publicize itself.
A rainy morning and early afternoon kept my heart firmly in my throat but by about 2:15 (festival ran from 2pm - 6pm) the rain had ended and I began to see some folks out and about.
Some emails comments that warmed this ADHD addled soul:
Wow!! Am giving you a standing ovation for conceiving of, organizing and pulling off such a fantastic event! Loved, loved, loved it.... Jeffrey
Hola Mary Ann. I am more than impressed with what you have accomplished with organizing Takoma Porch! I know it has been an enormous project, with a lot of moving parts -- and you have done an amazing job for someone who has never done anything like this before.... Donna
So I am really happy with how this effort turned out. It was NOT easy but I have to work hard to remember that it was not easy. When people ask me about how I pulled this off, I feel like I'm talking about childbirth (which I've not experienced but Moms tell me so) I don't really remember the pain, I'm just so happy with the result.
A rainy morning and early afternoon kept my heart firmly in my throat but by about 2:15 (festival ran from 2pm - 6pm) the rain had ended and I began to see some folks out and about.
Some emails comments that warmed this ADHD addled soul:
Wow!! Am giving you a standing ovation for conceiving of, organizing and pulling off such a fantastic event! Loved, loved, loved it.... Jeffrey
Hola Mary Ann. I am more than impressed with what you have accomplished with organizing Takoma Porch! I know it has been an enormous project, with a lot of moving parts -- and you have done an amazing job for someone who has never done anything like this before.... Donna
So I am really happy with how this effort turned out. It was NOT easy but I have to work hard to remember that it was not easy. When people ask me about how I pulled this off, I feel like I'm talking about childbirth (which I've not experienced but Moms tell me so) I don't really remember the pain, I'm just so happy with the result.
Thursday, May 16, 2013
50 Hours Away....
The music festival is SO close, the day after tomorrow!!
This week has been about focusing on the details, never an easy task for a brain that kinda, sorta abhors and rebels against sitting down and working through the tiny bits and pieces. I managed to work in fits and starts, breathed deeply at times and thought about the end result of a fantastic music festival to push me forward. Addtionally, I have hundreds of people relying on me to organize and communicate as best as I can. I didn't think about the latter too much but I did allow this reality to pass through my consciousness once in a while to appreciate the moment.
Some friends of mine have reminded me what an accomplishment this is for me (or anyone): that I set a HUGE goal for myself and for better or worse stuck with it. It's difficult for me to let myself think this. Perhaps because I'm just not used to being on this end of an accomplishment is why I'm reacting in this muted fashion (or because the festival is two days ahead of me rather than two days behind). I heard a successful author say recently, to paraphrase, "I realized I had poor self esteem regarding the things I did naturally well." Man, did my ears perk up and know in a moment that this is my case. I think that's part of the reason why it difficult for me to take a moment and be genuinely proud of what I've accomplished. So in that spirit I say...
Creating a music festival from scratch has certainly not been easy and I can now say that, no this is not for everyone. It took a lot of organization (not natural to me) and a ton of good communication and diplomacy (very natural to me). So, yes, I am proud of what I have accomplished and will use the experience and good juju that I've engendered to go forward in my life to move ever closer to the work, people and ideas about whom and which I feel most passionate.
This week has been about focusing on the details, never an easy task for a brain that kinda, sorta abhors and rebels against sitting down and working through the tiny bits and pieces. I managed to work in fits and starts, breathed deeply at times and thought about the end result of a fantastic music festival to push me forward. Addtionally, I have hundreds of people relying on me to organize and communicate as best as I can. I didn't think about the latter too much but I did allow this reality to pass through my consciousness once in a while to appreciate the moment.
Some friends of mine have reminded me what an accomplishment this is for me (or anyone): that I set a HUGE goal for myself and for better or worse stuck with it. It's difficult for me to let myself think this. Perhaps because I'm just not used to being on this end of an accomplishment is why I'm reacting in this muted fashion (or because the festival is two days ahead of me rather than two days behind). I heard a successful author say recently, to paraphrase, "I realized I had poor self esteem regarding the things I did naturally well." Man, did my ears perk up and know in a moment that this is my case. I think that's part of the reason why it difficult for me to take a moment and be genuinely proud of what I've accomplished. So in that spirit I say...
Creating a music festival from scratch has certainly not been easy and I can now say that, no this is not for everyone. It took a lot of organization (not natural to me) and a ton of good communication and diplomacy (very natural to me). So, yes, I am proud of what I have accomplished and will use the experience and good juju that I've engendered to go forward in my life to move ever closer to the work, people and ideas about whom and which I feel most passionate.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Festival Organization & Adult ADHD
No doubt when this festival is all over I will write a big ole' essay on the various triumphs and tragedies and things learned about organization. Thankfully, I am very far, mood-wise, from where I was just a week ago. Oh, the joys of possessing a brain prone to such wide arcs.
I am utterly and completely in the midst of detailed work of putting together musicians and venues. Even writing this essay is taking me away from doing work that I need to be doing NOW but I wanted to fit in an essay and update even if it took 10 minutes away from working. Below is a photo I took this past Sunday working away at my parents' dining room table.
Those are porches and music acts being laid and organized. It took me a long time mentally to get to that point and there was an unacceptable level of anxiety that I experienced for days beforehand but I did indeed arrive at a place of productive work and it was immensely satisfying. I now feel that in just about anything I do where I need to get The Big Picture laying things out on a table is the way to go. Computer screen be damned.
Now back to work.
I am utterly and completely in the midst of detailed work of putting together musicians and venues. Even writing this essay is taking me away from doing work that I need to be doing NOW but I wanted to fit in an essay and update even if it took 10 minutes away from working. Below is a photo I took this past Sunday working away at my parents' dining room table.
Those are porches and music acts being laid and organized. It took me a long time mentally to get to that point and there was an unacceptable level of anxiety that I experienced for days beforehand but I did indeed arrive at a place of productive work and it was immensely satisfying. I now feel that in just about anything I do where I need to get The Big Picture laying things out on a table is the way to go. Computer screen be damned.
Now back to work.
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Data, Data and More Data
I'm in a much better space mood wise than I was when I wrote my last essay. A good lunch out with my BFF (and her 42lb puppy) and an evening music session with some new friends has been incredibly good for my spirits. Work is still slow but I can't do anything about that at this moment at this writing.
Regarding Adult ADHD and music festival planning, it's difficult. No two ways about it. I have a massive amount of decently organized material that needs much more decency added to it.
I met with my friend DR yesterday who's an organizing machine. Since I am putting on a festival with approximately 20 venues and 40 music acts, there is MUCH data through which to be sorted. He looked at my information, which I proudly state, IS decently organized and did what I haven't been able to do; looked over everything, saw where gaps remained and created a structure upon which I could fill in these gaps. He did that in the span of about five minutes.
Thank you for friends with brains different than mine.
The festival is only 16 days away.
Regarding Adult ADHD and music festival planning, it's difficult. No two ways about it. I have a massive amount of decently organized material that needs much more decency added to it.
I met with my friend DR yesterday who's an organizing machine. Since I am putting on a festival with approximately 20 venues and 40 music acts, there is MUCH data through which to be sorted. He looked at my information, which I proudly state, IS decently organized and did what I haven't been able to do; looked over everything, saw where gaps remained and created a structure upon which I could fill in these gaps. He did that in the span of about five minutes.
Thank you for friends with brains different than mine.
The festival is only 16 days away.
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